There’s a moment — maybe it was days ago for you, maybe years — where the leaving is done and the silence starts. The adrenaline that carried you through the actual moment of walking out drains away, and you’re left standing in a kitchen that isn’t chaotic anymore, not knowing what to do.

Nobody warns you about that part. Everyone talks about the courage it takes to leave. Almost nobody talks about the strange, flat quiet that comes after — the way your body doesn’t quite believe it’s over, even when your mind knows it is.

This feeling can go on for a long time. It isn’t one big dramatic moment. It’s the small ones — standing in a doorway, holding a mug, staring at a shopping list — not quite knowing how to simply be, now that it’s safe.

Why this makes sense

When you’ve spent months or years on high alert, your nervous system doesn’t switch off just because the danger has gone. It has been trained to scan for footsteps, for a change in tone of voice, for the click of a door — it has learned that any ordinary moment could tip into something else.

That training doesn’t disappear the day you leave. It takes time to unlearn, and the flat, hollow feeling you might be sitting with right now is very often that unlearning beginning — not a sign that something is wrong with you.

You are not broken for feeling numb instead of relieved. You are not ungrateful for your own freedom if it doesn’t feel like freedom yet. This is simply what a body does after it has been braced for a long time.

Think of a hand that’s been clenched into a fist for hours — even once you decide to open it, the fingers don’t spring straight away. They ache. They stay half-curled for a while. Your whole self has been clenched like that, and it takes longer to release than anyone tells you.

You may find it hard to feel joy in things you thought you’d enjoy the moment you were free. You might sit down to do something you’ve longed to do for years and find you can’t concentrate, or don’t feel anything much at all. You may also feel completely at a loss about what to do with your own time — which sounds like it should be a nice problem to have and instead feels disorientating.

Healing takes time, and some days it can feel like it will never end. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that you have been through something no one is built to withstand for so long, day after day.

It will take time for your nervous system to find its way back to something steadier — and “steadier” doesn’t always look calm on the outside. It can look like crying over something small, or laughing properly for the first time in months, sometimes in the same afternoon.

You may move between periods of real joy and excitement about the future, and days where you don’t want to go out or speak to anyone. Both are normal. Try to follow your body’s lead rather than pushing through — if it’s asking for stillness, stillness is allowed.

There’s another part of this that rarely gets said out loud: you might miss pieces of the old life, even the frightening ones, and feel ashamed of that. Missing the routine, the familiarity, even a version of the person who hurt you, does not mean you made the wrong choice.

It means you’re human, and humans attach to whatever is familiar — safety and familiarity aren’t always the same thing, and untangling the two takes time. If this happens to you, it isn’t a step backwards. It’s simply another part of the same unlearning.

Some days the quiet itself will feel like the hardest part. After so long spent managing someone else’s moods, predicting what might set them off, keeping the peace — an empty room with nobody to read can feel unfamiliar in its own way.

You might find yourself waiting for something to happen, even when you know, logically, that nothing will. That waiting is your body’s old habit still running in the background. It will quieten, in its own time, the more it experiences safety.

So how can you create safety your body understands?

When your mind is racing, or strangely blank, a small, repetitive physical task can be an anchor: folding washing, sorting a drawer, kneading dough, doing up buttons one at a time.

It isn’t about being productive, and it isn’t a to-do list in disguise. It’s about giving your nervous system a simple, safe, predictable pattern to follow while it slowly remembers how to rest.

Knitting or crochet are lovely options if you fancy something a little more creative — the repeated motion gives your body a rhythm to settle into, and there’s a nice double benefit if you choose wool in colours that genuinely make you happy.

Colour has a real effect on how we feel, so leaning into brighter, more uplifting shades can gently lift your mood while your hands are busy.

You don’t need to get it right. There’s no such thing as a wonky first attempt that’s failed — the whole point is simply to give your nervous system somewhere calm to land for a few minutes.

There are loads of free patterns online if you’d like a place to start — Moogly is a lovely one. If you fancy committing to something a little bigger, Attic24 has some beautiful crochet-along patterns that are free and already fully uploaded, so you don’t have to wait for the weekly releases.

If crochet and knitting isn’t for you, a jigsaw, gardening, colouring in, or even just methodically tidying one small drawer will do exactly the same job.

Try it for five minutes today. Notice what it’s like to have your hands occupied by something that asks nothing frightening of you.

Try this

• Pick one small, repetitive task — folding, sorting, kneading, buttoning, stitching.

• Do it slowly, for about five minutes, without rushing to finish.

• Afterwards, notice: is this the first time today your hands have felt properly safe and unhurried?

A reflection

What is one everyday task that feels calming rather than draining right now?

You don’t need a reason for it, and you don’t need it to be significant. You’re allowed to simply notice it — and to do a little more of it, on the days you have the capacity to.

If it helps, jot the answer down somewhere you’ll see it again — a note on your phone, a line in a journal, a scrap of paper on the fridge.

Some of the most useful discoveries in this stage aren’t big insights. They’re small, ordinary facts about what actually helps you, gathered one quiet evening at a time.

There’s no deadline on any of this. You don’t need to have your hands, your evenings, or your sense of yourself sorted out by any particular week or month.

The quiet you’re sitting in now, however strange it feels, is not empty time — it’s the beginning of your body learning that it’s allowed to rest.

This — learning to be in your own quiet, unlearning the alertness a difficult relationship taught your body — is one small piece of what we build together, step by step, in Creating Steadiness, my new course, that is coming soon.

It’s built for exactly this stage: not the leaving, but the strange, tender aftermath of it.

Subscribe below to be first to know when the course opens.

Subscribe now

When home is in a different country

If you’re living abroad — if you followed a partner overseas, or built a life together in a country that isn’t the one you grew up in, or simply ended up somewhere far from your own family through the ordinary drift of a relationship — then “going home” might not mean walking to a different postcode. It might mean a flight. A border. A different legal system entirely.

And here’s the thing nobody tells you, the thing that sits underneath everything else in this messy middle stretch of leaving: if you take your child with you, without the other parent’s permission, you can be accused of international parental abduction. Even if you’re the one who has done everything for that child since the day they were born. Even if you’re fleeing something you should never have had to live through. Even if going home is, by any reasonable measure, the safest thing you could possibly do.

There’s a law behind this — the Hague Convention 1980 — and it exists, ironically, to protect children. But in practice, it’s become one of the most common tools abusers use to trap the parent who’s trying to leave.

I’ve written a complete, plain-language guide that walks through the parts that really matter. The guide includes: what “habitual residence” really means and why it isn’t about where your child was born or which passport they hold, what the five legal defences are and why they’re far less reassuring than they sound on paper, what a much higher legal bar “grave risk” actually means when domestic abuse is involved, and where to get help from people who understand this specific, extremely complex corner of the law.

You can read the full guide here

Understanding The Hague Convention 1980

411KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

When you’re in the middle of leaving — actually in it, not just thinking about it — your mind is doing a hundred things at once. Where will you sleep tonight. Whether the kids need to be pulled out of school today or whether that can wait a week. Whether you’ve got enough charge on your phone, enough cash in your pocket, enough nerve left to walk out the door and not turn back.

What you are almost certainly not thinking about is international law.

And why would you be? You’re not moving countries. You’re just going home.

That phrase — going home — is doing a lot of work in that sentence, and it’s worth sitting with for a moment, because for a specific group of people reading this, it is the single most dangerous phrase in this entire situation.

Subscribe now

When home is in a different country

If you’re living abroad — if you followed a partner overseas, or built a life together in a country that isn’t the one you grew up in, or simply ended up somewhere far from your own family through the ordinary drift of a relationship — then “going home” might not mean walking to a different postcode. It might mean a flight. A border. A different legal system entirely.

And here’s the thing nobody tells you, the thing that sits underneath everything else in this messy middle stretch of leaving: if you take your child with you, without the other parent’s permission, you can be accused of international parental abduction. Even if you’re the one who has done everything for that child since the day they were born. Even if you’re fleeing something you should never have had to live through. Even if going home is, by any reasonable measure, the safest thing you could possibly do.

There’s a law behind this — the Hague Convention 1980 — and it exists, ironically, to protect children. But in practice, it’s become one of the most common tools abusers use to trap the parent who’s trying to leave. Not because the law is evil. Because it was built to answer one narrow question — which country’s court should decide — and it answers that question first, before it ever gets around to asking whether anyone was safe.

Why this belongs in the messy middle

I’ve put this here, in Messy Middle, rather than tucked away as a piece of dry legal reference, because this is exactly where it lives for most people: in the moment when you’re weighing up options that all feel impossible, trying to figure out which direction is actually forward.

The decision about where to go isn’t separate from the decision to leave. For some of you reading this, it might be the decision that matters most — and it’s one you may not even know you need to think carefully about until it’s already been made for you, by a court, on the other side of a border you didn’t realise you’d need permission to cross.

This isn’t here to frighten you out of going home. Home might genuinely be the right and safest choice. It’s here so that if this applies to you, you get to make that choice with your eyes open, rather than finding out about any of this from the papers you’re served after the fact — which is how almost everyone currently finds out.

That’s not fair. It’s also, right now, how the system works. So this is me trying to close that gap a little, for anyone in this messy middle stretch who needs it.

What’s in the full guide

I’ve written a complete, plain-language guide that walks through the parts that really matter. The guide includes: what “habitual residence” really means and why it isn’t about where your child was born or which passport they hold, what the five legal defences are and why they’re far less reassuring than they sound on paper, what a much higher legal bar “grave risk” actually means when domestic abuse is involved, and where to get help from people who understand this specific, extremely complex corner of the law.

You can read the full guide here

Understanding The Hague Convention 1980

411KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

If this is close to your situation, or close enough that you’re not sure, GlobalARRK (globalarrk.org) is the UK’s only charity that specialises specifically in exactly this — supporting parents who are, in their words, “stuck” abroad.

Before you make any decision to move, please talk to a solicitor with specific experience in Hague Convention cases, not just a general family solicitor. This particular corner of the law needs specialist knowledge more than almost any other, precisely because so few people, including some solicitors, fully understand it.

You are allowed to want to go home. You’re also allowed to make sure that when you do, nothing about it can be used against you.

This piece is for awareness only and is not legal advice. Every situation is different — please seek advice from a solicitor with genuine Hague Convention experience before acting.

Samaritans

www.samaritans.org

116 123, free

Free, 24/7, 365-days-a-year phone helpline for anyone struggling to cope, in crisis, or feeling suicidal — you don’t have to be suicidal to call. Trained volunteers listen without judgement. Also reachable by email, post, or in person at some branches.

For anyone in the UK and Ireland, at any hour.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline (run by Refuge)

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

0808 2000 247

Free, confidential, 24/7 phone support, plus live chat Mon–Fri 10am–10pm.

Scotland’s Domestic Abuse & Forced Marriage Helpline

www.sdafmh.org.uk

0800 027 1234

24/7, staffed by specialists in domestic abuse and forced marriage dynamics. Phone, WhatsApp, SMS, webchat, or email, with a confidential interpreting service if English isn’t your first language.

Women’s Aid

www.womensaid.org.uk

Comprehensive guides on understanding domestic abuse and staying safe or leaving, plus a genuinely active Survivor’s Forum. Search for your local office in England, Wales, or Northern Ireland.

Scottish Women’s Aid

www.womensaid.scot

Comprehensive guides plus a direct link to online chat with SDAFMH.

Search for your local office here.

Aimee Says is a confidential AI support service available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for people experiencing harmful or abusive relationships. Aimee is designed to help you explore what you are going through, understand the dynamics of domestic abuse, coercive control, emotional and financial abuse, and post-separation abuse — in your own time, at your own pace, without judgement.

Unlike a helpline, Aimee is available immediately, any time of day or night, and does not require you to speak to another person if you are not ready to do so.

One of Aimee’s most powerful features is her ability to help you see the bigger picture. When you have been living inside confusion, conflict, and constant stress, it is extraordinarily difficult to step back and recognise patterns.

Aimee gives you a single secure space to bring everything together — your thoughts, your concerns, your documents, and your evidence. You can upload emails, PDFs, Word documents, and images, and Aimee can read, summarise, and analyse them within your conversation.

She can help you identify what those documents reveal, cross-reference information, and begin to make sense of things that may have felt impossible to see clearly from the inside.

As you talk, Aimee builds a structured record of what you share — capturing events, dates, categories, and patterns so you do not have to hold it all in your head. You can let her log details as your conversation unfolds, upload an existing record, or enter events manually. Over time, what felt like a blur begins to take shape — a clear, organised account of what happened and when.

A free chat option is available with no account required. A paid subscription unlocks the full range of features including document storage, event recording, and evidence management.

Try Aimee Says

A Note on Using AI Support

AI tools like Aimee can offer valuable support — a confidential space to process what you are going through, gather information, and begin to make sense of your experience, at any time of day or night.

However, AI is not infallible. It can get things wrong, misinterpret information, or provide responses that do not fully reflect your specific circumstances or the most current laws and guidance.

It cannot provide legal, medical, or professional advice, assess risk, or replace the judgement of a trained specialist.

Use it as a starting point, not a substitute. Always seek qualified professional guidance before making decisions that affect your safety, legal position, or health — and if you are in immediate danger, call 999.

Introduction:

This guide brings together some of the essential information you need when you first leave an abusive relationship.

This guide covers the most urgent practical steps for your first 48 hours — from your immediate safety, emergency accommodation, and financial protection, to securing your digital life, redirecting your post, and understanding your legal options. It also looks ahead to what you may experience in the days and weeks that follow: the emotional and psychological impact of leaving, the tactics an abuser may use after separation, and the research that explains why what happened to you followed the pattern it did. Everything in here is written to help you feel informed, prepared, and less alone.

How to use this guide:

While the contents page gives you an overview of what is included, we recommend reading from the beginning rather than skipping ahead — there are warnings, sequencing instructions, and important context early in the guide that apply to the practical steps that follow.

This guide has been written with care and the best of intentions. It is not legal, medical, or technical advice and should not be treated as such. Always seek professional guidance before making decisions that affect your legal position, health, or safety.

Your First 48hrs

993KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

© 2026 Surviving Stormy Squalls. All rights reserved. For personal use only. Please do not reproduce or distribute without permission. The information in this guide is provided in good faith for personal use only. If you would like to share it, please direct others to the Guides section of survivingstormysqualls.substack.com where it can be accessed directly.

Jess Runs for Survivors is a survivor advocate specialising in domestic abuse and post-separation abuse. Through her social media platforms she breaks down the tactics abusers use — clearly, honestly, and without filters — and shares practical guidance on how to navigate them while protecting your wellbeing.

Jess also offers personalised one-to-one consultations, tailored to your specific situation. Whether you need help understanding what is happening, strategies to stay grounded, or guidance on keeping your communications safe during interactions with an abuser, Jess will work through it with you. Each session results in a full written summary and a set of clear, actionable steps you can refer back to. Please note she does not provide legal advice.

You can find Jess at

Instagram @jessrunsforsurvivors

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/Jessrunsforsurvivors2/

Book a Meeting with Jess https://calendly.com/jessrunsforsurvivors

Introduction:

This guide brings together some of the essential information you need when you first leave an abusive relationship.

This guide covers the most urgent practical steps for your first 48 hours — from your immediate safety, emergency accommodation, and financial protection, to securing your digital life, redirecting your post, and understanding your legal options. It also looks ahead to what you may experience in the days and weeks that follow: the emotional and psychological impact of leaving, the tactics an abuser may use after separation, and the research that explains why what happened to you followed the pattern it did. Everything in here is written to help you feel informed, prepared, and less alone.

How to use this guide:

While the contents page gives you an overview of what is included, we recommend reading from the beginning rather than skipping ahead — there are warnings, sequencing instructions, and important context early in the guide that apply to the practical steps that follow.

This guide has been written with care and the best of intentions. It is not legal, medical, or technical advice and should not be treated as such. Always seek professional guidance before making decisions that affect your legal position, health, or safety.

Your First 48hrs

993KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

© 2026 Surviving Stormy Squalls. All rights reserved. For personal use only. Please do not reproduce or distribute without permission. The information in this guide is provided in good faith for personal use only. If you would like to share it, please direct others to the Guides section of survivingstormysqualls.substack.com where it can be accessed directly.

Something I have been working on is now ready, and I wanted to make sure you got your hands on it first.

Your New Playbook: Your keys to a more fulfilled life is a free workbook I have put together from the heart — drawing on what I have learned through my own journey and what I believe genuinely helps when life has knocked you sideways.

Inside you will find nine chapters covering everything from taking small steps and building bravery, to routine, rituals, journalling, sleep, nourishment, connection, and friendship. There are reflection pages, journal prompts, a self-care challenge, and a full seven-day journal to work through at your own pace.

There are no rules, no judgement, and no wrong answers. It is yours to dip in and out of whenever you need it.

Click the button below to download your free copy.

Download Playbook

If it resonates with you, I would love it if you shared it with someone who might need it too.

With warmth,
Beyond Domestic Abuse | Surviving Stormy Squalls

Intro:

This page brings together free, trusted support services in one searchable place — legal advice, helplines, mental health support, financial help, and more, alongside local services.

How to use this directory:

Entries are grouped by what they offer — crisis support, legal help, economic abuse, children and co-parenting, and so on — with five Scottish regions nested under “Housing & General Scottish Support” for anyone looking for something closer to home.

I have also included the below downloadable PDF that can be printed and your own notes added to.

Support Directory Ebook

538KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

A note on accuracy: details like opening hours, referral routes, and funding can change, especially for smaller, locally-run charities. If something here is out of date, or you know of an organisation that should be added, let me know and I’ll get it updated.

Call 999 If someone is in immediate danger

National Domestic Abuse Helpline (run by Refuge)

https://nationaldahelpline.org.uk

Free, confidential, 24/7 phone support, plus live chat Mon–Fri 10am–10pm.

0808 2000 247.

Scotland’s Domestic Abuse & Forced Marriage Helpline

https://www.sdafmh.org.uk

24/7, staffed by specialists in domestic abuse and forced marriage dynamics. Phone, WhatsApp, SMS, webchat, or email, with a confidential interpreting service if English isn’t your first language.

Women’s Aid

https://womensaid.org.uk

Comprehensive guides on understanding domestic abuse and staying safe or leaving, plus a genuinely active Survivor’s Forum. Search for your local office in England, Wales, or Northern Ireland.

Scottish Women’s Aid

https://womensaid.scot

Comprehensive guides plus a direct link to online chat with SDAFMH. Search for your local office.

Women’s Aid groups are very well-connected locally, but they can’t help with everything — if you’re told they can’t take your case, or you’ve been referred to them by mistake, ask them to help you find the right organisation rather than losing hope. They know the local landscape better than almost anyone.

Dr Charlotte Proudman (Barrister)

https://proudmans.com

Multi-award-winning barrister, academic, and campaigner specialising in women’s rights and family law, with a track record of high-profile cases.

Author of “He Said She Said: Truth, Trauma and the Struggle for Justice in Family Court.”

office@proudmans.com

Does not currently accept legal aid; contact directly to discuss fees.

Victim Support Scotland

https://victimsupport.scot

Free, independent, confidential support to navigate the criminal justice system and recover after crime, including help understanding your rights and support during court proceedings.

Runs an emergency assistance fund.

Helpline Mon–Fri 8am–8pm, Sat–Sun 10am–4pm.

Scottish Women’s Rights Centre

https://www.scottishwomensrightscentre.org.uk

Free, confidential helpline (check site for current days/times), pro-bono legal advice every Tuesday 6–8pm, and legal advice surgeries by phone or video.

Can help find a solicitor trained in domestic abuse and trauma-informed practice. Advocacy support and legal representation available when capacity allows — check site for current “Take On” openings.

Also offers the FollowIt app for logging stalking incidents (photos, documents, video, witness details) in a format that can be shared with police.

Rights of Women

https://rightsofwomen.org.uk

Free, confidential legal advice lines covering domestic abuse, divorce and finances, child arrangements, and criminal law including coercive control and stalking. For women in England and Wales.

National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV)

https://ncdv.org.uk

Free, fast, practical help obtaining injunctions and non-molestation orders, often within 24 hours. England and Wales. 0800 970 2070.

ASSIST

https://saferglasgow.com/assist

Independent court advocacy, risk assessment, and safety planning for victims linked to a domestic abuse case in the court system.

West and central Scotland.

0141 276 7710.

The Daisy Project

https://thedaisyproject.org.uk

Longer-term advocacy from qualified Independent Domestic Abuse Advocates through both criminal and civil court proceedings, particularly child contact cases. South Glasgow.

EDDACS (Edinburgh Domestic Abuse Court Support)

0131 315 8122

eddacs@edinwomensaid.co.uk

Support and advocacy specifically for female victims of domestic abuse crimes going through the Edinburgh court process. They support all non-English speaking clients using a telephone interpreter as well as having a Polish speaking worker on their team.

Mums in Need

https://www.mumsinneed.com

A dedicated caseworker listens to your unique situation and builds a personalised plan covering every aspect of post-separation abuse — 1:1 counselling, financial workshops, legal assistance, personal wellbeing sessions, peer group sessions, and family-focused sessions.

Voluntary £5/month donation; doesn’t affect access to support.

0800 852 7414

enquiries@mumsinneed.com.

For mums in Sheffield and the surrounding areas of Yorkshire.

Surviving Economic Abuse (SEA)

https://survivingeconomicabuse.org

The only UK charity dedicated specifically to economic abuse — awareness, recognition tools, and links to specialist financial support.

StepChange Debt Charity

https://www.stepchange.org

Free, non-judgemental debt advice for as long as you need it, with no pressure into debt management plans or further borrowing — they walk you through every option’s pros and cons.

Calculators for benefits, repayments, and consolidation, plus guidance for gas and electricity arrears.

0800 138 1111 - Mon–Fri 8am–8pm, Sat 9am–2pm.

Invaluable for dealing with debt that results from economic abuse — they won’t pressure you, and they’ll help you understand exactly where you stand before you decide anything.

Action Against Stalking

https://actionagainststalking.org

Support, advocacy, advice, and information for anyone affected by stalking, via helpline or online self-referral form (response within 3 working days). Guidance on reporting stalking, what to do if you’re being stalked, and how to support someone who is.

Helpline 0800 820 2427.

Suzy Lamplugh Trust — National Stalking Helpline

https://www.suzylamplugh.org

Specialist guidance for anyone affected by stalking or harassment, including evidence-gathering and reporting advice.

Dogs Trust Freedom Project

https://www.dogstrustfreedom.org.uk

Free, temporary fostering for dogs belonging to people fleeing domestic abuse, until you’re safely rehoused.

Pet Fostering Service Scotland

https://www.pfss.org.uk

Temporary fostering for pets (not limited to dogs) while you’re in refuge or transitional housing.

Cats Protection — Lifeline

cats.org.uk/what-we-do/cp-lifeline

Free, confidential cat fostering service (formerly Paws Protect) for families fleeing domestic abuse — a specialist team arranges collection and a foster placement until safe reunion. Useful where a refuge can’t accept pets.

Southall Black Sisters

https://southallblacksisters.org.uk

Domestic abuse resource centre and advocacy for Black and minoritised women, including casework and campaigning.

Primarily England.

Karma Nirvana

https://karmanirvana.org.uk

National Honour-Based Abuse Helpline, including forced marriage support, UK-wide.

Shakti Women’s Aid

https://shaktiedinburgh.co.uk

Refuge and support for Black, minority ethnic, and refugee women and children in Scotland.

Hemat Gryffe Women’s Aid

0141 353 0859

Advice, support, and safe temporary refuge tailored to South Asian, Black, and minority ethnic women in Scotland.

Amina — Muslim Women’s Resource Centre Scotland

https://amina.org.uk

Faith- and culturally-sensitive helpline plus pathways into financial advocacy and employability support.

Woman’s Trust

https://womanstrust.org.uk

Free counselling and therapy specifically for women who’ve experienced domestic abuse. Primarily London-based — check current availability.

Samaritans

samaritans.org

Free, 24/7, 365-days-a-year phone helpline for anyone struggling to cope, in crisis, or feeling suicidal — you don’t have to be suicidal to call. Trained volunteers listen without judgement. Also reachable by email, post, or in person at some branches.

For anyone in the UK and Ireland in emotional distress, at any hour.

116 123 (free)

SAMH (Scottish Association for Mental Health)

samh.org.uk

Scotland’s leading mental health charity — information, signposting to local services, and a network of services across the country covering things like addiction, homelessness, and employment support alongside mental health. Not a crisis or listening service.

For anyone in Scotland looking for mental health information or a route into local support.

Helpline Mon–Fri 10am–4pm

Mind

mind.org.uk

Advice, support, and information on mental health, including self-harm, plus a legal advice line. Not a crisis service for people who are actively suicidal — see Samaritans or Shout for that.

For anyone in England and Wales wanting mental health information or advice.

Helpline Mon–Fri 9am–6pm

Shout

Text 85258, free, 24/7

The UK's first free, confidential, 24/7 text support service for anyone struggling to cope and needing immediate support — useful when a phone call isn't possible or safe.

For anyone in the UK in crisis or distress who would rather text than talk.

GlobalARRK

https://www.globalarrk.org

The only charity specialising in supporting parents through international child custody battles, for migrant families “stuck” in a foreign country.

Call-back helpline, online peer support groups, signposting to legal support and a legal directory, factsheets, befriending, Lived Experience Group, online workshops.

England-only: Legal Clinic and a 12-week Domestic Abuse Recovery Toolkit course.

info@globalarrk.org.

CEDAR Network

https://cedarnetwork.org.uk

A 12-week structured recovery programme run in parallel groups for mothers and children, using creative, age-appropriate activities. Delivered through local partners across Scotland.

Children 1st

https://children1st.org.uk

Holistic family support and trauma recovery across Scotland, plus ParentLine Scotland

08000 28 22 33.

We Stand

https://westand.org.uk

The only national charity helping non-abusing parents and carers protect and support a child who has experienced sexual abuse. Online, UK-wide.

National Association of Child Contact Centres (NACCC)

https://naccc.org.uk

UK-wide network accrediting supervised child contact centres.

Stay Safe East

https://www.staysafe-east.org.uk

Run by and for disabled people — advocacy and support for disabled survivors of domestic abuse, sexual violence, and harassment.

London

07865 340 122.

Employers’ Initiative on Domestic Abuse (EIDA)

https://www.eida.org.uk

UK-wide membership body equipping employers to recognise and respond to domestic abuse — guidance, training, and a member directory of workplace policies. Useful for understanding what good employer support should look like, or for advocating for a policy at your own workplace.

Scottish Centre for Personal Safety (SCOTCPS)

https://scotcps.org.uk

Specialist personal safety training building confidence and practical skills to recognise threats, trust instincts, and respond to threatening situations.

Two instructors are domestic abuse survivors themselves. Training adapted to individual abilities. Not about becoming a fighter — about recognising your power and knowing you have options.

07900 950 599

info@scotcps.org.uk.

Shelter Scotland

https://scotland.shelter.org.uk

Housing advice, advocacy, and legal support for anyone facing homelessness or unsafe housing.

Wise Women

https://www.wisewomen.org.uk/personal-safety

Personal safety and confidence-building courses in local Glasgow communities.

Glasgow Women’s Aid

https://glasgowwomensaid.org.uk

Over 40 years running — crisis support, refuge accommodation, follow-on service, and outreach for women and children in Glasgow.

SAY Women

https://saywomen.org.uk

Semi-supported accommodation and groupwork for women aged 16–25 who are survivors of rape, sexual assault, or childhood sexual abuse and are homeless or at risk.

TARA (Trafficking Awareness Raising Alliance)

https://tarascotland.org.uk

Trauma-informed support and crisis accommodation for women trafficked for commercial sexual exploitation, Scotland.

Moira Anderson Foundation

https://moiraandersonfoundation.org.uk

Counselling and therapeutic services for people affected by childhood sexual abuse — Lanarkshire, Glasgow, and Edinburgh, with phone support for the rest of Scotland.

Rape Crisis Scotland

https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk

National office coordinating the rape crisis movement in Scotland.

Rape Crisis Glasgow and Clyde

08088 00 00 14

Local, face-to-face support and advocacy for survivors of rape and sexual violence in the Glasgow and Clyde area.

The Rosey Project

08088 00 00 14

Sexual violence prevention and support specifically for young women and girls aged 13–18 in the Glasgow and Clyde area.

Mikeysline

https://mikeysline.co.uk

Inverness-based mental health and crisis support, including text-based options via SMS, Messenger, WhatsApp, and web chat.

Befrienders Highland

https://www.befriendershighland.org.uk

One-to-one befriending for longer-term mental health recovery and reduced isolation, across the Highlands.

Victim Support (Highland)

https://victimsupport.scot/contact/

Local, in-person support for victims and witnesses of crime, including court accompaniment, via Highland Community Justice Partnership.

Next Chapter Scotland

https://www.nextchapterscotland.org.uk

Non-judgemental support and information for anyone navigating the practical and personal fallout of a criminal record or ongoing investigation — relevant where a survivor has a conviction connected to defending herself or her circumstances during an abusive relationship.

Lived-experience-led, Scotland-wide.

0330 355 7145

support@nextchapterscotland.org.uk

RASASH (Rape and Sexual Abuse Service Highland)

rasash.org.uk

The only specialist rape and sexual abuse service in the Highlands — free, confidential emotional support, information, and advocacy (including through reporting and the court process), delivered face-to-face in Inverness or by outreach across Caithness, Easter Ross, East Sutherland, Wester Ross, Lochaber, Nairn, and Badenoch & Strathspey, plus phone, video, text, or email support for those who can’t travel.

Support Line 03330 066 909

Textline 07451 288 080

SARCS (Sexual Assault Response Co-ordination Service)

0800 148 88 88, 24/7

NHS Scotland service offering healthcare and support in the days after a rape or sexual assault, including a Forensic Medical Examination, whether or not you’re ready to involve the police.

Self-referral — no GP needed. Evidence can be stored securely for 26 months, giving time to decide about reporting.

We Are With You (Argyll and Bute)

https://www.wearewithyou.org.uk/help-and-advice

Free, confidential support for issues with drugs, alcohol, or mental health.

Lomond and Argyll Advocacy Service

https://laas.org.uk

Free, impartial, independent advocacy across Argyll and Bute and West Dunbartonshire.

Relationships Scotland (Family Mediation, Argyll)

https://relationships-scotland.org.uk

Family mediation, relationship counselling, and child contact centre services. Use “find your nearest service.”

Suicide Bereavement Support Service

0808 802 6161

Free, confidential one-to-one support for anyone bereaved by suicide, in Highland and Argyll & Bute.

Moray Wellbeing Hub

https://moraywellbeinghub.org.uk

Peer-support and lived-experience-led courses, including a free self-help course.

Quarriers Arrows Service

https://www.quarriers.org.uk

Drug and alcohol support for people 16+, plus support for affected family members.

Step by Step in Moray

https://stepsmoray.org

Group and individual support for isolated or vulnerable families with children aged 3 and under.

Advocacy in Moray (VoiceAbility)

helpline.scotland@voiceability.org

Free, independent advocacy helping people be heard in decisions about their care or support.

Blide Trust

https://www.blidetrust.org.uk

Mental health charity offering support, activities, and a welcoming space; donation-based.

Advocacy Orkney

https://www.orkneycommunities.co.uk/advocacyorkney

Free, confidential, independent advocacy since 2002.

Relationships Scotland Orkney

http://rsorkney.org.uk

Family mediation, counselling, and family support; free, donations welcomed.

Crossroads Orkney

https://www.orkney.com/listings/crossroads-orkney

Practical help and emotional support for carers and the people they care for.

Change Mental Health (Dumfries and Galloway)

https://changemh.org

Resource centres in Dumfries, Annan, Castle Douglas, Newton Stewart, and Stranraer, plus an Advice and Support Service.

0808 8010 515.

Dumfries and Galloway Advocacy Service

01387 247237

Independent advocacy for mental health, disability, carers, and young people.

First Base Agency

https://www.firstbasedumfries.co.uk

Drop-in drug, alcohol, and gambling support, including specifically for women at risk of violence linked to addiction.

Home-Start Wigtownshire / Dumfries and Galloway

https://home-startwigtownshire.co.uk

Trained volunteers give weekly practical and emotional support to families with at least one child under five.

Hestia

https://www.hestia.org

Major domestic abuse service provider, plus the free Bright Sky app — a UK-wide directory of support services and a relationship-health quiz.

Solace Women’s Aid

https://solacewomensaid.org

Helpline, refuge, accommodation, and therapeutic services across London.

SafeLives

https://safelives.org.uk

UK-wide charity working on the systems side — IDVA training and accreditation, research, and the Hide Out website for children.

Standing Together Against Domestic Abuse

https://standingtogether.org.uk

Pioneers the UK’s coordinated community response model, bringing police, health, housing, and specialist services together around individual cases.

Chayn

https://chayn.co

Global, survivor-led nonprofit with free multilingual resources on recognising abuse and staying safe — useful if English isn’t your first language.

Hourglass

https://wearehourglass.org

UK-wide charity focused on abuse, neglect, and exploitation of older people.

Hibiscus Initiatives

https://hibiscusinitiatives.org.uk

Specialist support for foreign national women in or at risk of contact with the criminal justice system.

Angelou Centre

https://angelou-centre.org.uk

Holistic advocacy, counselling, and skills/employment programmes for Black, minoritised, and migrant women.

North East England.

Nia

https://niaendingviolence.org.uk

Specialist services for women and girls who’ve experienced violence, plus policy and prevention work.

London.

The Snowdrop Project

https://thesnowdropproject.co.uk

Long-term, holistic support for survivors of trafficking and modern slavery. Sheffield, with some wider reach.

This directory mixes large national charities with small, locally-run organisations.

Details can change — if something here is out of date, or you run an organisation that

should be listed, let me know and I’ll get it updated.

Sometimes the most beautiful things are born from unexpected meetings and shared purpose. Lucky Swallows—those brightly coloured birds you might have spotted in design magazines or on Instagram—started with scones, a charity shop treasure, and two people determined to do something about Scotland’s ocean plastic crisis.

The Meeting

Anna Campbell-Jones, interior designer and presenter, met Ally Mitchell, award-winning diver and ocean plastic warrior, at a Climate Future event.

Over scones, they put their heads together. What if they could transform ocean plastic into something beautiful? What if waste washing up on Scottish beaches could become symbols of hope instead of despair?

Lucky Swallows was born.

Ally’s Journey

Ally Mitchell founded Ocean Kitchen Scotland after years working as a commercial diver. He saw first-hand what most of us never witness—the devastating reality of plastic waste choking our oceans. Fishing nets tangled around marine life. Microplastics coating the seabed. Endless debris washing in with every tide.

He was compelled to take action.

Ocean Plastic Pots started as one man teaching himself manufacturing techniques and turning collected ocean waste into plant pots to sell at local markets. He expanded his range to include chef knives so he could use the food grade plastic that was unsuitable for making pots, ensuring nothing went back to landfill.

But Ally wanted more than functional products. He needed something that would raise awareness, reduce waste, and contribute to a healthier marine environment whilst capturing people’s imagination.

Anna’s Vision

Anna Campbell-Jones understood something crucial: people respond to beauty. Environmental messages can feel overwhelming, guilt-inducing, hopeless. But a beautiful object that tells a story of transformation? That creates connection.

A charity shop enamel swallow Anna loved as a child became the template. Swallows symbolise hope, migration, return, survival—perfect metaphors for what she and Ally wanted to create.

Together, they designed Lucky Swallows: elegant wall-mounted birds made entirely from ocean plastic waste. Each one unique, each one carrying the story of Scotland’s shores, each one proof that waste can become wonder.

Why This Matters

Lucky Swallows are now world-famous—featured in design publications, sought after by eco-conscious homeowners, displayed in galleries. But they’re more than interior design. They’re conversation starters. They’re tangible proof that destruction can become creation.

Every Lucky Swallow hanging on a wall represents plastic that’s no longer in the ocean. Every purchase supports Ally’s ongoing work clearing Scotland’s coastline. Every bird is a small act of hope—a reminder that individual actions, unlikely partnerships, and creative thinking can make real difference.

For survivors rebuilding: There’s something powerful about transformation stories. About taking what’s broken, discarded, or damaging and making it beautiful. About proving that nothing is beyond redemption. Lucky Swallows embody this—they’re physical proof that devastation doesn’t have to be the end of the story.

Discover More

Lucky Swallows
Website: luckyswallows.com
Instagram: @luckyswallows

Ocean Kitchen Scotland
Website: oceankitchenscotland.com
Instagram: @ocean.kitchen.scotland

Anna Campbell-Jones
Instagram: @annacampbelljones

Why This Matters

We all have days that aren’t just difficult—they’re devastating. Days when everything feels too much, when your nervous system is screaming, when you’re everyone’s emotional punchbag and you can barely hold yourself together.

On those days, telling yourself to “just push through” isn’t self-care—it’s self-abandonment. What you need is something tangible, something sensory, something that brings you back to yourself when everything around you is crumbling.

This is where a self-soothing package comes in—a carefully curated collection of items that ground you, comfort you, and remind you that you deserve care, especially on the hardest days.

Understanding Why Sensory Grounding Works

When you’re overwhelmed, your nervous system is in survival mode. Your brain has essentially gone offline—logic, perspective, and rational thought aren’t accessible. You’re operating from your primitive brain, the part that only knows fight, flight, or freeze.

Talking yourself through it rarely works because you can’t think your way out of a nervous system response. But you can sense your way out.

Read more

Three Ways to Move from People-Pleasing into Your Own Power

For years after leaving, I said yes to everything. Coffee with acquaintances I didn’t particularly like? Yes. Volunteering for school events when I was already drowning? Yes. Lending money I couldn’t afford to lose? Yes. Helping friends move house on my one day off? Absolutely, yes.

I smiled whilst saying yes. I was helpful, accommodating, easy-going. People loved how reliable I was, how I never complained, how I always made time for them.

Inside, I was drowning in resentment and exhaustion.

What I truly wanted was rest and boundaries but time for myself was continually pushed aside in favour of what others needed from me. I thought I had to cater to everyone else’s needs before my own. And worse, the people around me at the time reinforced this belief by placing unreasonable expectations on me that I never questioned.

It took me far too long to understand people-pleasing wasn’t kindness. It was a trauma response I’d never unlearned.

Why People-Pleasing Worked in the Past

During abuse, people-pleasing kept you safe. You learnt to read the room, anticipate needs, make yourself small, avoid conflict, and prioritise your abuser’s comfort over your own survival. Saying no meant consequences. Having needs meant punishment. Asserting boundaries meant escalation.

So you became brilliant at disappearing. At moulding yourself into whatever shape kept the peace. At saying yes when you meant no, smiling when you wanted to scream, and putting everyone else first because your own needs were dangerous to have.

This wasn’t weakness—it was survival. People-pleasing was a perfectly rational coping mechanism that served its purpose well. It kept you alive.

But here’s the problem: you’re not in that situation anymore. The abuser is gone. The immediate threat has passed. Yet your nervous system still operates like saying no will get you hurt. Your brain still believes that your needs don’t matter, that taking up space is dangerous, that other people’s comfort is more important than your own wellbeing.

This is the invisible wound that nobody talks about. You escaped the relationship, but the people-pleasing came with you—and now it’s running your entire life.

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The Hidden Cost of Never Saying No

People-pleasing feels safe because it’s familiar. You know how to do it. You’ve been doing it for years, maybe decades. It’s predictable. Nobody gets angry. Nobody rejects you. You remain liked, needed, useful.

But whilst you’re busy being everything to everyone, you’re abandoning yourself.

You’re exhausted because you never rest. You’re resentful because nobody reciprocates. You’re burnt out because you give and give and give until there’s nothing left. And underneath it all, there’s a quiet rage building—at them for taking advantage, and at yourself for allowing it.

The cruel irony is that people-pleasing doesn’t actually make you safer. It makes you a target. People who respect boundaries don’t exploit someone who can’t say no. But people who don’t respect boundaries? They’ll take everything you offer and still ask for more.

Your kindness becomes a resource they mine until you’re depleted.

Recognising It’s Time to Change

The coping mechanisms that kept you safe during abuse are now keeping you stuck after it.

Now that you’re stronger—even if you don’t feel strong yet—it’s time to move away from people-pleasing and adopt healthier strategies that put you back in control of your own life.

This won’t be easy. Your nervous system will fight you. People who’ve benefited from your inability to say no will push back. You’ll feel guilty, selfish, mean. You’ll second-guess yourself constantly.

But reclaiming your power means learning to disappoint people without falling apart. It means choosing yourself even when others are upset. It means understanding that your needs matter as much as anyone else’s—and acting like it.

Here’s how to start.

Step 1: Recognise What You Truly Want

This sounds simple, but when you’ve spent years—maybe your entire life—pleasing other people, you genuinely might not know what you want anymore.

Ask yourself: Am I saying yes out of habit, or do I truly want to do this?

Examples of habitual yes:

• “Of course I’ll have the kids this weekend” (even though you desperately need rest)

• “Sure, I can help you move” (even though you’re already overwhelmed)

• “I’d love to come to your party” (even though social events drain you)

• “No problem, borrow whatever you need” (even though you can’t afford to replace it)

You’ve been saying yes for so long that it’s automatic. The other person asks, and before you’ve even processed the request, “yes” is already out of your mouth.

Start noticing the gap between what you say and what you feel.

When someone asks you for something, pause. Even just two seconds. Notice what your body does. Does your stomach clench? Does your chest tighten? Does a wave of “oh god, not this again” wash over you?

That’s your truth. That feeling is telling you what you actually want—and it’s not yes.

Sometimes we stay trapped in situations because we’ve said yes for so long that it seems impossible to stop. You’ve been the one who always helps, always accommodates, always makes it work. How can you suddenly change that without everyone thinking you’re selfish or unreliable?

Here’s the truth: It’s okay to say no to situations that no longer work for you. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to stop doing things you never actually wanted to do. You’re allowed to evolve.

The people who truly care about you will adjust. The people who only valued what you could do for them will be upset—and that’s information worth having.

Step 2: Set Clear Boundaries

You can’t expect people to know what you want if you don’t communicate clearly what your needs are.

If you’re continually saying yes with a smile whilst seething with resentment inside, you’re not giving the other person the opportunity to ask someone else. You’re not being kind—you’re being dishonest. And you’re trapping both of you in a dynamic that breeds resentment.

This may be a revelation, but: By not communicating your needs for fear of rejection, you’re clinging to something that’s meant for someone else, not you.

Think about it. That favour you don’t want to do? There’s probably someone out there who would genuinely enjoy doing it, who has the capacity for it, who it would feel good to help with. But they never get the chance because you keep saying yes when you mean no.

You’re blocking the energetic flow—for yourself and for others.

What clear boundaries sound like:

• “I can’t help this weekend, but I hope you find someone.”

• “That doesn’t work for me, but thanks for thinking of me.”

• “I’m not available for that, but I wish you well with it.”

• “I need to say no to this. I’m already at capacity.”

Notice: No elaborate explanations. No apologies. No justifications. Just a clear, kind no.

You don’t owe anyone a detailed breakdown of why you can’t do something. “No” is a complete sentence. “That doesn’t work for me” is sufficient.

The guilt you feel when setting boundaries isn’t proof you’re doing something wrong—it’s proof you’re doing something new. Your nervous system interprets “new” as “dangerous,” so of course it protests. That doesn’t mean you should stop. It means you’re retraining your brain to believe that your needs matter.

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Step 3: Accept Rejection for What It Is

We avoid setting boundaries because we’re terrified of rejection. We believe that if we say no, people will leave. They’ll be angry. They’ll think we’re selfish. They’ll stop loving us.

And sometimes? They will.

But here’s what took me years to understand: Rejection is information, not condemnation.

When you set a boundary and someone rejects you for it, they’re showing you that they only valued what you could do for them, not who you are. That’s painful—but it’s also clarifying.

Humans are complex emotional mysteries. When someone rejects you for having boundaries, it’s rarely about you. It’s about their own ideas of safety, control, and what they need from relationships.

As humans, we like to feel in control. When we lose that—when someone we’ve relied on to always say yes suddenly says no—we often reject what’s making us uncomfortable. We push back. We guilt-trip. We withdraw affection.

Rejection isn’t usually personal. It’s often about the other person’s discomfort with change.

If someone can’t handle you having needs, they weren’t safe for you anyway. If someone only likes you when you’re giving them everything they want, that’s not friendship—that’s exploitation.

Let rejection move through. Don’t chase it. Don’t apologise for having boundaries. Don’t contort yourself back into people-pleasing just to win back someone who only valued you when you were convenient.

See rejection as energy that wasn’t meant for you clearing out to make space for what is.

The Practice: You Always Have Enough

When you acknowledge what you truly want, set clear boundaries, and accept rejection for what it is, something shifts.

You stop feeling like you’re constantly behind, constantly failing, constantly not enough. You start trusting that you always have enough time to do what truly matters to you—because you’re no longer giving that time away to things that don’t.

This is reclaiming your power. Not in dramatic, visible ways—but in quiet, daily choices to honour yourself as much as you honour everyone else.

Journal Prompts: Getting Clear on Your Boundaries

Take some time to explore where people-pleasing shows up in your life and what boundaries you need to set.

1. What is the most difficult relationship for you to set boundaries in?
(Partner, parent, friend, colleague, ex-partner?)

2. What makes it difficult to set boundaries with this person?
(Fear of anger? Fear of abandonment? Guilt? Obligation? History?)

3. How does saying yes when you mean no make you feel?
(Resentful? Exhausted? Trapped? Angry? Small?)

4. Where in your body do you feel this?
(Tight chest? Clenched stomach? Tension in shoulders? Headache?)

5. If you could change these negative feelings to positive ones, how would you like it to feel when you set a boundary with this person?
(Calm? Empowered? Clear? Relieved? Free?)

6. What’s one small thing you could change to work towards these more positive feelings?
(One boundary you could set this week? One “no” you could practice saying?)

Final Thoughts

You spent years making yourself small to stay safe. You’re allowed to take up space now.

You spent years prioritising everyone else’s needs. You’re allowed to matter now.

You spent years saying yes when you meant no. You’re allowed to mean what you say now.

People-pleasing served you once. It kept you alive. But you’re not just surviving anymore—you’re building a life. And that life needs to include you.

Start small. One boundary. One honest no. One moment of choosing yourself.

You deserve to take up space in your own life. Start claiming it.

What They Do

SCOTCPS is a Scottish charity providing specialist personal safety training that empowers people to feel safer in the face of violence. Their approach builds confidence, awareness, and practical skills to help you recognise threats, trust your instincts, and respond to threatening situations.

Who They Support

Women (including domestic abuse survivors), sensory impaired people, people with learning difficulties, ethnic minorities, and anyone wanting to feel safer. All training is adapted to individual abilities.

What to Expect

Highly trained instructors create a safe, supportive environment and work at your pace.

What makes them unique: Two instructors are domestic abuse survivors themselves. Their understanding, confidence, and ability to see your strength—even when you can’t—is genuinely empowering. They show you that you can become physically and mentally focused to keep yourself safe.

Important: The training isn’t about becoming a fighter—it’s about recognising your power, trusting your instincts, and knowing you have options.

Website: https://scotcps.org.uk

Email: info@scotcps.org.uk

Phone: 07900 950 599

What She Does

Dr. Charlotte Proudman is a multi-award-winning barrister, academic, campaigner, and author specialising in women’s rights and family law. She has won numerous high-profile cases and actively campaigns to change laws to better protect women, particularly in family court proceedings.

Who She Supports

Women navigating family court, particularly those experiencing domestic abuse and post-separation abuse within the legal system. Dr. Proudman understands the complexities survivors face when the family court system fails to recognise abuse or prioritise children’s safety.

Her Work

Dr. Proudman authored He Said She Said: Truth, Trauma and the Struggle for Justice in Family Court—a book that articulates what so many abuse survivors experience in family court. It’s essential reading for anyone trying to understand why the system so often fails women and children.

Her practice focuses on challenging injustice and fighting for outcomes that genuinely protect survivors and their children.

Contact

Website: proudmans.com
Email: office@proudmans.com

Important: Proudmans does not currently accept legal aid. Contact them directly to discuss fees and whether they can assist with your case.

Disclosure: If you buy books linked to our site, we may earn a commission from Bookshop.org, whose fees support independent bookshops.

GlobalARRK are the only charity specialising in supporting parents experiencing international child custody battles.

Website - https://www.globalarrk.org

Email - info@globalarrk.org

Servies

· Call back helpline

· Online peer support groups

· Signposting to local resources & organisations

· Signposting to legal support – Legal Directory

· Factsheets and information

· Legal Clinic (England only)

· Befriending

· Domestic Abuse Recovery Toolkit – 12 week course (England only)

· Lived Experience Group

· Online Workshops

Support Them

You can directly support their service by donating or fundraising for them. Find more information here

Website - https://www.mumsinneed.com

Email - enquiries@mumsinneed.com

Helpline - 0800 852 7414

Mums in Need offer a dedicated Caseworker who will listen to your unique situation and create a personalised plan to help you reach your goals. They offer support around every aspect of post separation abuse.

Servies

Some of the support they offer includes 1:1 Counselling, Financial Workshops, Legal Assistance, Personal Wellbeing Sessions, Peer Group Sessions and Family Focused Sessions.

Cost

They ask for a small voluntary monthly donation of £5 a month to become part of their supportive community, payment of this does not effect your access to their support.

Support Them

You can order Write To Be Heard, a book that shares writing by survivors. All funds raised will go directly to Mums In Need, enabling them to continue supporting survivors of coercive control.

More information and ordering details here

Welcome to the Second Edition of Lodestar

Lodestar is the discovery section of the Beyond Domestic Abuse Newsletter - your curated collection of inspiring people, compelling books, thought-provoking podcasts, empowering music and joyful finds worth your time.

What’s Inside This Edition

This week’s edition brings you a community project turning waste into stunning public art, an essential podcast episode about understanding predatory behaviour, a book that untangles your relationship with money and a few other interesting surprises.

Subscribe to access the full Lodestar newsletter and discover your next favourite thing.

Let’s Get Started

The Plastic Shed: Turning Waste into Wonder

A Community Benefit Society in Stockport

Picture this: a rainy afternoon in Stockport, and through the drizzle emerges a massive ladybird mural—bright, textured, magnificent—being assembled piece by piece from thousands of plastic bottle lids.

That’s how The Plastic Shed announces itself: not with lectures about recycling, but with joy.

What They Do

Run by Jamie and Caitlin, The Plastic Shed brings the Stockport community together around a simple goal: turning plastic waste into something meaningful. They run creative educational workshops, make recycled products, and transform mountains of discarded plastic into stunning public art installations.

It’s community action at its best—practical, visible, and genuinely joyful.

Why This Matters

The UK produces a staggering amount of plastic waste that our current infrastructure simply can’t handle. Much of what we think we are recycling actually gets exported abroad, becoming someone else’s problem.

We think we’re doing our bit, but inadequate systems undermine our efforts and exports continue to cause bigger problems elsewhere.

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch—a massive accumulation of mostly micro-plastics -so large scientists struggle to measure it, continues to grow bigger every year. No single country can tackle the problem because it has now become so large.

Art isn’t the complete solution to our plastic waste — but it’s a powerful part of the answer. The Plastic Shed proves communities can do something tangible, creative, and lasting with waste that would otherwise be shipped abroad.

For survivors rebuilding: There’s something profound about transforming discarded things into beauty. About proving that what seems worthless can become valuable with care, creativity, and community. The Plastic Shed embodies this principle—nothing is too broken to be remade into something better.

The Mural Trail Project

That enormous ladybird? It’s part of a trail of ten pollinator murals installed across Stockport’s green spaces. The project involved:

· 60 schools

· 20,000 children

· 10 different pollinators (ladybirds, bees, butterflies)

· Over 60,000 plastic lids

· Countless volunteer hours

Each school received educational packs covering pollinator conservation, plastic waste, and recycling—combined with practical crafts and colouring activities. Children researched their assigned pollinator, collected plastic lids, and contributed to murals that will stand in their communities for years.

The project didn’t just create something beautiful. It showed an entire generation that they can do something meaningful together with what’s being thrown away.

Why It Works

The Plastic Shed succeeds because it makes environmental action accessible and joyful. No guilt, no overwhelm—just creativity, community, and tangible results you can visit and touch.

The murals are permanent installations in public places. Anyone can walk past and see proof that change is possible. That communities working together can transform waste into wonder.

Get Involved

Visit the murals: Download the mural map and explore all ten pollinator installations across Stockport’s green spaces. Perfect for a weekend walk with purpose.

Learn more: Find details about workshops, projects, and how to get involved at the Plastic Shed website

Follow their work: Watch new projects develop on Instagram @plastic_shed

Support them: The Plastic Shed is a Community Benefit Society—they reinvest everything into the community. Consider supporting their work or bringing them into your local area.

Why I’m featuring The Plastic Shed in Lodestar:

Because they prove that beauty, community, and purpose can emerge from what’s discarded. That transformation is always possible. That working together on something tangible and joyful heals more than just the environment.

Sometimes we all need reminding: nothing is too broken to become something beautiful.

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Book Recommendation: Money: A Love Story

Untangle Your Financial Woes and Create the Life You Really Want
By Kate Northrup

Why This Book Matters for Survivors

Money holds enormous power over us—especially after abuse. Economic abuse is a cornerstone of coercive control, often leaving survivors financially ruined for years.

But here’s the compounding problem: even in non-abusive relationships, women who take time out for children face brutal financial realities. The career ladder becomes nearly impossible to climb back up. Pensions never recover. This isn’t abuse—it’s how society penalises women for caregiving.

For survivors, these two issues collide: deliberate financial abuse PLUS structural economic disadvantage. This book helps you untangle both.

What Makes It Different

Kate Northrup didn’t write a typical finance book. Money: A Love Story is an interactive workbook that uncovers where your financial struggles actually come from. Spoiler: it’s rarely just about the numbers.

What You’ll Discover:

The self-worth foundation: Having a good relationship with money requires having a good relationship with yourself first. For survivors, this hits hard—abuse systematically destroys your sense of worth. This book helps you untangle those lies from reality.

The reality check quiz: A no-judgment assessment showing exactly where you are with money basics, current finances, and actual habits. No shame, just clarity.

Exercises that go deep: I tracked my money patterns back to childhood, then saw how abusive relationships reinforced them. I’d been completely oblivious to this cycle. Understanding it changed everything.

Working through blocks: Kate gently helps you move past “I don’t deserve more” thinking. One insight that resonated: the best way to help someone else is to help yourself first. Money is a tool—when you have it, you can do more good.

Who This Is For

Survivors rebuilding finances after economic abuse, anyone avoiding bank statements, anyone thinking “I’m just bad with money.”

I’ve experienced financial extremes — watching the electricity meter hit empty and paying for meals in world-class restaurants. I’ve learned: happiness comes not from having the most money, but from managing it sustainably in an enjoyable way. That’s what this book teaches.

Buy the book here.

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Podcast: Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu

Featured Episode: “I Profile Psychopaths” – These 7 Red Flags Will Make You Question the Man Lying Next to You
Guest: Dr. Karen Mitchell

Why This Episode Matters

Lisa Bilyeu’s shocked reaction to Dr. Mitchell’s insights was powerful—watching her process what some survivors already know reminded me that many people cannot fathom abusive behaviour’s complexities. Many won’t even accept what survivors describe is true.

This episode validated everything I’d believed but been told was exaggeration. Dr. Mitchell and Lisa gave language and science to experiences that felt impossible to explain. If you’ve been called dramatic, told you’re overreacting, or made to feel crazy—this affirms you were right about your abuser all along.

What You’ll Learn

Why diagnostic criteria fails survivors:
Standard psychological frameworks weren’t designed to identify predatory behaviour—the hallmark of abuse. Dr. Mitchell compares abusers to predators in the wild: target prey, isolate prey, exhaust prey, consume prey. This isn’t metaphor—it’s methodology. You weren’t chosen randomly. You were hunted.

How lovebombing actually works:
Abusers rapidly identify your most important emotional drivers—what you need, what you’ve lacked, what you dream of—then exploit them with surgical precision. It’s strategic, not spontaneous.

Death by a thousand paper cuts:
Abuse isn’t one massive incident—it’s relentless small cruelties that individually seem petty but collectively destroy you. This is why survivors struggle to articulate what happened. Each incident sounds minor. The pattern is devastating.

The 85% rule:
Abusers keep their mask on around 85% of the time. This is why nobody believes you—the version of them the world sees is designed to make you look unstable.

Authority as camouflage:
Abusers deliberately seek positions of authority to hide behind. Who would believe the respected manager, devoted father, or community pillar could be abusive? That’s precisely the point.

Real-World Validation

Lisa and Dr. Mitchell discuss real examples—family dynamics, workplace scenarios, relationship patterns—and so many mirrored my own experiences. Hearing someone with Dr. Mitchell’s expertise describe exactly what I lived through, using clinical language and research-backed explanations, was profoundly validating.

I wasn’t imagining it. I wasn’t overreacting. I was surviving something most people will never understand—and now I have the language to explain it.

Why Lisa’s Podcast Is Essential

Lisa Bilyeu is refreshingly down-to-earth whilst bringing genuinely world-class expertise to every episode. She’s not interested in surface-level inspiration—she wants to give you the information you need to make better, safer decisions in your life.

Her guests bring in-depth, often uncomfortable truths that mainstream conversations avoid. She asks the questions survivors need answered. And she does it all with warmth, curiosity, and zero judgment.

Women of Impact is an endless source of information you need to know—delivered by someone who genuinely wants you equipped, not just entertained.

Listen & Connect

Find this episode wherever you listen to podcasts
Connect with Lisa: Instagram @lisabilyeu
Connect with Dr. Karen Mitchell: Instagram @drkarenmitchell_
Explore more: Women of Impact releases new episodes weekly

The Soundtrack: LUSH: Full of Life - Volume I

Feel-good music for feeling alive again. Uplifting indie, pop, and classics curated for moments when you need reminding that life can be light and joyful.

The vibe: Breezy, optimistic, life-affirming. From The Kooks and Fleetwood Mac to George Ezra and Zara Larsson—music that feels like sunshine.

Press play and let yourself bloom.

Listen on Spotify

Recipe: Creamy White Bean Soup with Spinach

By Alicia Wolf, The Dizzy Cook

Also known as “Migraine Soup”—a bowl of sneaky goodness loaded with magnesium and delicious comfort.

Why This Recipe Matters

I suffer from frequent migraines, and having go-to meals that are easy, healthy, and comforting is essential. This recipe delivers all three.

Whilst certain foods trigger migraines—cheese, high sugar, sulphates—magnesium-rich foods like spinach, beans, and broccoli may help prevent them. This soup is packed with exactly those ingredients. But here’s what makes it truly useful: it’s forgiving. Once you’ve made it a few times, you can adjust quantities by eye. When your head is pounding and precision feels impossible, that flexibility matters.

What Makes It Special

This bowl feels like a hug—creamy, hearty, and filling without being heavy. Fresh vegetables provide vibrancy, blended beans create creaminess without dairy (though you can add cream), and simple ingredients mean you probably have everything already. Perfect for batch cooking, freezing for bad days, or adapting based on what’s in your fridge.

Why The Dizzy Cook

Alicia Wolf understands cooking whilst managing chronic conditions. Her recipes are easy to follow, beautifully organized by meal type and diet, visually inspiring with photos, and nutritionally thoughtful. She also offers weekly meal plans with shopping lists when you subscribe—perfect for decision fatigue days.

Once you’ve made this soup, experiment: swap greens, try different beans, adjust seasonings. The recipe forgives everything.

Find the full recipe here

Creative Project: Simple Art for Finding Calm

Why Flow State Matters

When you’ve been in a state of high alert for a long time, meditation alone doesn’t always quiet your mind. Your nervous system needs something more—something that occupies your hands whilst calming your thoughts.

Flow state happens when you’re fully absorbed in an activity that’s just challenging enough to hold your attention without overwhelming you. Time disappears. Worry quiets. Your body remembers it’s safe to relax.

For many survivors, creative activities work better than traditional meditation because they give your hypervigilant brain something concrete to focus on. The rhythmic repetition—whether it’s crochet, drawing, or painting—creates the calm that sitting still never quite achieves.

When Precision Feels Impossible

I love crochet for its rhythmic counting and instant visual reward. But some times, I discover I genuinely cannot count. If you’ve ever started a crochet project requiring precision stitches only to realise your brain refuses to cooperate with numbers—you’ll understand.

On those days, I need creativity without precision. Enter: paint sticks and simple lines.

What I Discovered

When I sat down to try this, I immediately zoned out. My hand followed flowing lines. I filled space with colour. Time disappeared.

When I finally sat back, I had a beautiful piece with genuine three-dimensional depth. It looked intentional, sophisticated—like I’d planned it. I hadn’t. I’d just followed what felt right.

Try This

Experiment with colour combinations you’d normally avoid. Your logical brain has opinions about what “goes together.” Your creative brain doesn’t care. Some of the most stunning pieces come from unexpected pairings.

Don’t aim for anything specific. Let the colours suggest shapes. Let the lines follow their own logic. Trust the process—it works even when you don’t know what you’re doing.

Make mistakes boldly. There’s no eraser, no undo. Whatever happens becomes part of the piece. This is excellent practice for accepting imperfection.

Why This Works for Survivors

Creative flow gives your nervous system permission to relax. You’re focused but not stressed. Occupied but not overwhelmed. Your body learns: “I can be absorbed in something without being hypervigilant. I can create without everything being perfect. I can enjoy the process without knowing the outcome.”

These are lessons worth learning.

Jayne at Create and Meditate with Jayne, is an artist and meditation teacher who has a huge selection of videos that teach you how to use creativity to bring calm into your life.

You can find more about Jayne here.

That’s All Until Next Time

I hope this edition of Lodestar has sparked something in you - curiosity, joy, possibility, or simply a moment of lightness. I’m already excited about what’s coming next.

If you have enjoyed reading this edition of Lodestar and Beyond Domestic Abuse why not share it with someone you know by clicking the button below.

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Your Voice Matters Here

I’d love to hear from you. If you’ve discovered something remarkable - a person, place, book, podcast, product or experience that deserves recognition - please share it with me. Together, we’re building a collection of light for this growing community.

Let’s keep discovering together.

Zara Larsson’s anthem about choosing abundance, joy, and living fully is the perfect Monday energy boost—and this week’s Lodestar highlight track.

Subscribe to Beyond Domestic Abuse for Wednesday’s full Lodestar newsletter with the complete curated playlist.

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When you’re rebuilding after domestic abuse, routine can feel impossible. Your days are pulled in competing directions—children need you, work demands attention, benefits need sorting, court papers need filing, therapists need calling. Everything feels urgent. Everything feels overwhelming. And the idea of adding “routines” to this chaos can feel like one more thing you’re failing at.

But here’s what I’ve learnt: routine isn’t about perfection. It’s not about rigid schedules or becoming the kind of person who meal-preps on Sundays and never misses their morning meditation. Routine, for survivors, is about creating small pockets of predictability in a life that’s felt dangerously unpredictable for far too long.

Your nervous system is exhausted from hypervigilance. It’s been scanning for threats, bracing for impact, trying to keep you safe in an environment where safety didn’t exist. Now that you’re out, your body still doesn’t know how to relax. Simple routines help teach your nervous system that life can be predictable in good ways—that patterns don’t always mean danger.

This article will help you build sustainable routines that support your healing, not add to your overwhelm.

Read more